


Bright young women...sick of swimmin'

by maybeillride



Category: Free!
Genre: Drinking Games, Interpretive dance...sorta, M/M, Subliminal phalluses, The little mermaid - Freeform, Tokyo (City)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 18:21:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2477984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeillride/pseuds/maybeillride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a reason Haru doesn’t drink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bright young women...sick of swimmin'

**Author's Note:**

> I felt compelled to write this as I, um, have played this game and it seems appropriate for university-era Free! I must say I have EXTREMELY mixed feelings about drinking for many reasons yet couldn't resist tossing my hat in this particular ring. Enjoy!

“So! Tell us about Sydney! Like, the stuff you DON’T get in the travel books, know what I mean?” Nagisa’s face is three inches from Rin’s ridiculously muscle-y chest – maybe four, if he wants to be generous to himself. He slouches his chin deeper in his hands as he rests his elbows jauntily on Haru’s kitchen butcher-block, peering up at his old friend and fluttering his eyelashes. He’s always been a big believer in the power of non-verbal communication.

Rin is almost completely unaffected by his charms, focused on the bottles on the table in front of him like Rei in chem lab. He picks up a shiny bottle of tequila and studies it. “Nagisa, you talk to me all the time. Probably more than anybody here. What more can I tell you? It’s not like my schedule lets me get out to the sex clubs on a regular basis, you know –”

He’s interrupted by Sousuke’s massive snort from the fridge. He’s leaning, picture of chilly cool – nah, that’s not right, what’s the word?... _nonchalance!_ That’s it, Nagisa thinks. “Hey Sou-chan – is that true? Seems like a shame you guys haven’t checked the, um, local color out when you’re down there? Pfft, shame!” He winks at the giant as he just works through his bottle of Kirin like it’s his job. He continues to look totally unimpressed like only Sousuke can, wearing a poker face that could give Haru a run for his money.

“No comment.”

“ _Sou_ suke! Come on, you want all my friends thinking all kinds of crazy stuff about when you visit??” Rin scoffs theatrically, swiveling on his stool and seeming actually threatened.

 _Bingo,_ Nagisa thinks. _I gotta let Haru-chan and Mako-chan know._

“I can’t help what your pervy little friends think,” Sousuke says, taking a single step in Haru’s tiny kitchen-space to yank the tequila out of Rin’s hand, find a tumbler, and dump in what looks like an irresponsible amount. He easily finds a little carton of juice hiding between the bottles and tops the concoction off. “Here. You were wasting valuable drinking time. I swear Rin, is there anything you don’t overthink?”

Rin, predictably, sputters and blushes, and Sousuke, also predictably, gazes down with a totally out-of-character meltiness as he gently presses the cup at his (boyfriend?), and Nagisa simultaneously sighs and snickers to himself. These guys are _so_ OBVIOUS, they approach Makoto<\-->Haru levels of sheer obvious, only rivaled by Rin<\-->Haru(???) obvious, and he just fucking loves it.

A hopeful voice pipes up from the (also tiny) living room area behind them.

“Hey…! Everything okay? Anything I can help you guys with? Haru’s kitchen is sorta…uh… organized his own way.”

“Makoto-senpai, please! This is your time to relax. I’m sure they’re fine.” Ah, his Rei-chan, voice of reason… what would they do without him? But Makoto has a point: if they’re gonna get this drinking-game show on the road, they need to quit wasting time. Even though he was the one responsible and actually DID want to know what kind of shenanigans Rin was getting up to Down Under (heh). He can only imagine the hotties Rin runs into, the Ian Thorpe-alikes at practice and the Hugh Jackmans at the bar and the – uh – Russell Crowe-types at the…uh…grocery store? (He feels no guilt inserting his friend into rom-com-ready scenarios when he is so obviously a rom-com heroine just waiting to be discovered.) He wonders if maybe he’ll have better luck prying later.

As they file into the living room Haru’s in the midst of poking Makoto viciously in the side for insulting his kitchen-design skills, which obviously is on par with calling anyone else’s mom fat. Makoto is flinching and protesting, yet has a weirdly content look on his face, almost like he not only isn’t offended by being attacked but actually gets some sort of jollies out of it. Nagisa silently notes it in his running MakoHaru X-File.

“My kitchen is fine, Makoto. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”

Nagisa swiftly launches his note-perfect Amakata-san, finger in the air. “’Genghis Khan’!” A throw pillow flies at him from the couch.

“Okay, okay, okay, ladies. Everybody have a drink before we start?” Rin, as the acting M.C. tonight, asks the living-room crew. Rei-chan glances up, beet-red but smiling slyly, wedged in the corner of Haru’s surprisingly sprawling couch (he found it on a campus street with a sign yelling – what else? – “FREE!”). He’s holding something fruity Nagisa specially prepared as soon as they arrived and from his color Nagisa guesses he’s made a decent dent. Makoto’s comfortably situated on the floor with his back against the couch on a pile of cushions, comfortably sipping his Kirin; Haru is tucked next to him, legs folded and balancing his gin and tonic in the hole his legs make. He had done this classic-Haru drama-queen thing and refused all the options Nagisa presented to him, but finally seemed okay with his final choice as it was the closest thing Nagisa could find to water, wasn’t “melted-slushy sweet” as he put it and offended him the least. _‘Such a monk, Haru-chan…’_

He can resist no longer and scampers to flop next to Rei-chan in his cozy corner, getting a suspicious lack of complaint from his man as he totally spills his drink on his pretty plum button-down.

“So mellow, Rei-chan…we HAVE to do this more often…” And he wipes the spill apologetically with a finger and sucks the syrupy stuff off. Pineapple, he thinks, as Rei gapes at him openly. Yes, he will definitely be partaking with Rei in the near future.

Rin is posed next to the TV like a proper host, leaving Sousuke to hover awkwardly near the kitchen. “Sousuke-kun! Please, make yourself at home on the couch! It’s really comfortable, and don’t let the fact that Haru found it on the street scare you away.” Makoto smiles genuinely, missing or maybe overlooking the embarrassed look Haru shoots him and the dark unreadable look Sousuke gets. Sousuke turns to the kitchen and snags a stool, parking it next to the couch and perching with supreme awkwardness holding his beer. Rin does a Rin- _tsk_ and seems to give up.

“Okay. The game, this evening, is as simple as it is dangerous.”

“- and fun? Is it fun, too, Rinrin?” Nagisa can’t help smoothing things, seeing Makoto’s hand go into a fist on his beer bottle at the word “dangerous,” winking at Sousuke as he scowls over the “Rinrin.” ‘ _What?’_ he mouths at the big guy.

Rin sighs at him like he’s the most obnoxious thing in a hundred parallel universes. “ _Yes,_ you little pain in my ass, it’s a ton of fun. Sorta perfect for us, actually. I learned it – well, if that’s the right word – at training camp a few months ago… we were in such deep shit from the coaches the next day but you have to have _some_ fun, right?”

“RIn-senpai…” Rei says in a tone of such over-the-top crushed disappointment, everyone laughs (maybe even Haru…? A little??), and the atmosphere sorta loosens.

Rin smirks and rubs his hands together. “Yeah, well. So the game couldn’t be easier and is as follows: We watch _The Little Mermaid._ Every time someone points out a phallic symbol, everyone else has to drink. _Fini.”_

The group collectively stares at him before busting out laughing again. Even Sousuke, who actually seems particularly entertained. Except Haru, Nagisa sees, who’s fixed either Rin or the TV (hard to tell, one’s in front of the other) with a HaruStare and isn’t budging.

“Oh…oh my GOD Rin….you big burly muscle-y Australian swimming-type guys were sitting there looking for dicks in the fucking _Little Mermaid??”_ Nagisa thinks maybe he’s died and this is heaven. The universe cannot possibly be this kind. Below him, Makoto is giggling so hard he’s folded over his lap.

“Dammit, I did NOT make this up! It’s a THING! Haven’t any of you guys heard of it…? The animators put in all this really dirty stuff like as a contest with each other to see who could get away with the most, and the Disney higher-ups were totally clueless…??”

Sousuke deliberately crosses his legs on the stool and keeps his poker face. “Sorry, Rin. Guess I missed the day we covered Advanced Mermaid Studies at Samezuka.”

He gets another burst of congratulatory laughs (again, minus Haru, who looks maybe like he’s plotting somebody’s murder) and Rin flouncing off to the door to rummage in his duffel bag. He returns with a beat-up old DVD case.

“Okay, you damn _animals,_ let’s start. I brought the DVD since I couldn’t remember what digital services you had, Haru, and I knew we had an old copy of Gou’s…” He’s blushing, hard.

Haru actually speaks up. “Player’s there. I don’t subscribe to any services so it’s good you brought it. No time to watch stuff with practice, anyway.”

“Haru’s lying. When he wants his AdultSwim fix among other things he just comes by my place.” Haru flips his murder-gaze to Makoto but he’s totally unfazed, flicking one of his crinkly side-looks and a little smirk that manages to not be smirky right back. Nagisa busily files this one away too.

Rin is huffing irritatedly and making a show of setting the movie up. Finally the Cinderella’s palace logo shines across Haru’s modest flat-screen as the volume blasts (“Haruka-senpai, your neighbors…don’t mind us being so loud?”) and Rin flops on the couch next to Nagisa. Nagisa lays his head on Rei-chan’s shoulder and his feet happily in Rin’s lap. Weirdly, Rin lets it lie. Rei of course pays no mind, Nagisa basically lives on him.

“Rinrin, your hosting is seriously lacking. This is totally not a fair game! We don’t even know what’s ‘phallic’ to look for and you do!”

Rin sighs. “You’re overthinking this, Hazuki. Trust me, you’ll know it when you see it.”

***

“Another trident.”

RIn sighs hugely. _“Drink.”_

The group – minus Makoto, who still holds the same Kirin, Nagisa thinks – takes a big drink from their various containers, with different levels of success in delivery. “Wowww, Mako-chan. That’s…how… How’re you so GOOD at this?”

“Yeah, Makoto. How _is_ that?” Haru asks in a low voice, turning to face him in this exaggerated single-take, knocking one of Rin’s feet off his shoulder. Nagisa thinks it’s the first time he’s looked away from the screen since they started, where Ariel and her sisters are in the middle of flipping out about how goddamn thrilled they are being daughters of Triton.

“Ahhh, you know the twins, wouldn’t watch anything else for about six months,” he laughs. If he’s intimidated by the HaruDeathRay (or…Haru…Sex…Ray…???) he isn’t showing it.

“I don’t think we’re wondering how well you know the MOVIE, Makoto.” Haru points at Makoto’s lips like he’s making a really important point as he leans in, so he pokes his mouth. “No _I_ think we all are REALLY interested in your HUGE…um…en…encyclopedia…ic…knowledge of _phalluses.”_

“Hear hear.” Sousuke’s in the corner of Haru’s big couch, sprawled like he owns it, legs all over the place in total relaxation, one arm on the couch arm for beer delivery and the other hugging Rin to his chest. Rin meanwhile just looks pissed, whether that’s because Makoto’s kicking everyone’s ass in Rin’s game or Sousuke’s comment or Sousuke’s hugging too hard or something else, Nagisa has no idea.

Behind him Rei-chan snorts so hard Nagisa’s head bounces on his shoulder. “Are we truly going to waste time speculating on Makoto-senpai’s phallic-contact? Why can’t we bemoan the _glaring continuity errors_ in this, um, ‘film’??” He makes a big air-quote with his free hand. Nagisa peeks in the tumbler in his lap and is impressed/alarmed at how empty it is, and how smart Rei-chan sounds even drunk. Figures. He reaches back and pinches Rei’s thigh fondly, happy he gets a yelp.

“Three sea-sponges. Graduated sizes.”

 _“Makoto._ You already SAID ‘sea sponges’.” Rin breaks from Sousuke’s Heimlich to lean and flick Makoto’s head. Oh, and drape himself over Haru. Haru’s back to total TV hypnosis as Ariel kicks into “Part of Your World” and doesn’t seem to mind.

“You said before that every sighting counts even if they repeat. Right, Rin?” And he leans back and tilts his head with the littlest Makoto smile at Rin.

“Urrrrr _AAAGGH!_ Okay! Drink, three times!”

The group – minus Makoto. Again. – draws three drinks with total sleepwalk-y obedience. Sousuke pulls his squirming human teddy-bear back, and Nagisa decides to tenderly rub circles around Rei-chan’s cute bare kneecap.

Then Haru starts singing.

Nagisa realizes he’s been sorta mouthing-along for a while now but in the little lull they can suddenly all hear him. Unmistakably. His voice is reedy and sorta shaky and definitely vulnerable like it’s the first time he’s ever used it. But he’s on key and…on fire, Nagisa thinks with awe, realizing he’s never seen the crazy-sad-sparkly-emotional look in his friend’s eyes. Ever. Not when he sees the pool. Or Makoto. Or pre-race Rin.

“Up where they walk….up where they run…. Up where they stay all day in theee sunnnn…. Wandering freeee….. wish I could be…. Part of that world…..”

Silence around the room. Pure silence, which never, ever happens from their crew. They just watch Haru like he’s suddenly wearing a tiara and tutu and toeshoes and onstage at the Met. He cranes his head back and sees what suspiciously look like misty tears in Rei’s eyes. (His feelings are confirmed when he hears the teeniest “…haruka-senpai…” whispered above him.)

…speaking of the Met, Haru’s drama-queen tendencies apparently include being an ACTUAL drama queen. He’s _really_ gearing up now, practically doing jazz hands as he throws himself into the climax of the song – “Betcha on land! – They understand! – Bet they don’t… _reprimand their daughters!_ Bright young _women –_ ”

He’s on his knees, spilling his (empty) cup and making Rin yell “Hey!” as his feet fall off again.

“- Sick of _swimming –_ ”Arms flung out to the sides. Makoto squeaks as he catches one in the face. For some reason in the perfection of the moment and the basic chaos in the room, Nagisa focuses on Sousuke’s look of total understanding.

“- ready tooo staaand…..” And yes, yep, Haru is fucking _standing,_ totally gone and in some weirdo new Haru element, not even swaying (much). He’s ready to know what the people know (he tells them with dead seriousness as he spins like a drunk-ass top to face them and Nagisa squeaks with glee). He’s gonna ask ‘em his questions and get some goddamn answers, and Nagisa has NO doubts of this, actually he’s a little concerned for the health and safety of these people when Haru gets his hands on ‘em, he thinks Haru’s a little too much like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction if he wants to be honest.

“What’s a _fire_ and why does it –” Bending down to Makoto who squeaks again – “- What’s the word?? _Burrrn….”_

Haru’s stripping. Damn, take it all off, speed of light HaruStripping, and their reflexes are all so far gone which is Nagisa’s explanation for why nobody stops him before the fish boxers go flying too. (Makoto just sits solid as a rock and doesn’t lift a finger like he’s under some spell.) He’s a damn, drunken, spectacular vision, total sloppy sureness, he IS a tortured mermaid born in the wrong body as he stands there without the tiniest bit of embarrassment.

“When’s it my turn?? Wouldn’t I love? Love to explore….that shore a….bove…? Out of the sea! Wish I could be… Part of that world….!” He sways. They gape. Makoto finally gets back with the Makoto program and jumps up, zombie-walking Haru (who seems to be in some kind of mermaid-trance) to the bathroom and shutting the door on him, stalking around to get his clothes, and disappearing in after him. They continue to gape at the door.

“…Well! So, who knew Haru-chan could sing, right?” Nagisa says helpfully, sitting up and stretching. Helpfully. “And wow, it’s late, right? We should eat. I’ll check the snack situation.”

“Prince Eric’s phallus.” Sousuke says (accurate, dammit) from the corner.

***

So before the movie’s over:

  1. Haru cries like a sad little mermaid girl through the second part of “Part of Your World” (the part where Ariel asks what she’d give to get to live with Prince Eric, how much she’d pay to stay beside him, etc. etc.). Rin cries too.
  2. Haru pulls another Broadway act during “Kiss the Girl” and this one has him up and not only singing but dancing. Major-awkwardly. He does a terrible near-lapdance thing on Rin and they end up in a liplock that Nagisa for the life of him can’t see who starts. Sousuke gently breaks it up.
  3. Haru gets up suddenly during the fireworks scene and storms back over to the bathroom. Poor Makoto gets up looking haunted and disappears in there again. They’re gone a while and the rest of the gang quietly and very seriously keeps up the game without them. (Both seem weirdly okay when they eventually come back out.)
  4. Rei-chan puts together a staggering and maybe not totally coherent but who-is-Nagisa-to-judge list of continuity errors that he proudly posts on his tumblr under Nagisa’s supervision. It’s gone by noon the next day.



**Author's Note:**

> I love the idea that Haru has memorized "Little Mermaid" (they could've watched his copy if they'd only asked). And he's perfectly comfortable with that ;D
> 
> I struggled with finding a good narrator for a big group-piece like this and realized Nagisa is perfect: he observes, cares-about, and ships his friends, AND is actually basically the same drunk as sober (in my mind anyway). Handy, huh?
> 
> Haru, on the other hand, is a supreme lightweight and is based on a few folks who actually flame out this spectacularly when they partake. Basically, Haru is ALL feels :/ 
> 
> As always, THANK YOU for reading and please feel free to leave any thoughts below!


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